My first piece of advice?
Don’t sh*t on your own doorstep.
You might have been thinking about leaving for a while.
Or maybe you just want to dip your toe in the water and see what else is out there.
Either way — how you handle your next steps is crucial.
I’ve coached in the girls’ and women’s game for nearly two decades, and this situation comes up every single season. It’s common. It’s emotional. And it’s often badly handled.
If you’ve decided you want your daughter to trial elsewhere, that’s your business. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for wanting to explore opportunities.
But there’s a big difference between being honest and being transparent.
And that difference matters.
Example 1 — Honesty
Coach: “Did you go and train with Caterpillar FC?”
Parent: “Yes.”
That’s honest.
But the coach has found out through someone else.
In my experience, that feels like a low blow. Whatever happens next, the coach will be disappointed — not because your daughter trialled elsewhere, but because they were the last to know.
Example 2 — Transparency
Parent:
“This is a tough conversation to have, and you’re probably not going to like what I’m about to say, but Susie will be trialling at a few other clubs over the next couple of months. She may not be available for every session. We just want to explore our options before signing for next season.”
Coach:
“Okay, thank you for letting me know. Is there anything we can do to keep her?”
Parent:
“We haven’t made any decisions yet — we’d just like to explore our options.”
That’s transparency.
And transparency builds respect.
Why This Matters
Football is a small world — especially in girls’ pathways locally.
This is an uncomfortable conversation to have. I get it. But you are now showing respect to someone who likely cares about your daughter and has invested time, energy and weekends into her development over the past 12 months.
Yes, it would be easier to copy and paste a message into WhatsApp.
In my opinion?
Have the difficult conversation face-to-face. It’s hard to judge someone’s tone on text and the coach will appreciate you’ve given time and thought into keeping this relationship positive.
Don’t Over-Explain
Your coach will probably ask why you’re thinking about leaving.
Don’t get caught up over-explaining.
Keep it simple:
“We’d just like to explore our options.”
This isn’t about:
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Thinking your daughter is “too good” for the team
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Believing the coach has favourites
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Airing frustrations
It’s about keeping communication lines open.
Bite your tongue before telling the world and his wife about your plans to trial elsewhere. The gossip and Chinese whispers only makes things worse.
Control the narrative by being direct.
Think Long Term
The grass isn’t always greener.
But here’s the bigger picture:
Coaches never forget how things end.
If you handle this with transparency and respect, you protect your daughter’s reputation long term. If she returns in two months — or even two seasons later — she’ll be welcomed back with open arms.
How you leave matters just as much as how you arrive.
Think end game.
P.s
A Quick Note on FA Regulations
For clarity:
The FA Regulations (Rules of the Association, Section C133–C135) state that for players under 18 (excluding scholars):
A player domiciled in the territory of The Association can trial at a club not holding the player’s registration provided that:
• The current club gives prior written permission (a copy must be provided to The FA)
• The trial club reports the player to The FA
• The player does not play in first-team matches and only plays in permitted fixtures
At grassroots level, the lines can sometimes feel blurred and different league handbooks may vary.
However:
• At academy level, permission is strictly required.
• From U12+, written or email consent is strongly recommended.
• It protects you and the trial club from breaching FA or league rules.
If you’re unsure, speak to your club’s manager or welfare officer — they can clarify the specifics for your daughter’s league or competition.
This situation tells you a lot — not just about your next move, but about how people respond when you communicate clearly and respectfully.
Good luck.
Kat Clifton
Founder, SHE CAN PLAY ⚽